Fatherhood and Graduate School - The Crucial Balance
Many people are aware of the rigors of attending a graduate school program. The increased classwork and higher-level papers to be written, in addition to a 30-hour per week internship in my case. For me, things are complicated further as I am a single father to my 10-year old son Darian Jr. I gained full custody of him June 30th, 2017 and have been blessed to have him by my side everyday since.
During the first year of being a full-time father, DJ saw me complete undergrad classes and my internship. He was the effort I had to put in in order to complete my studies and reach the required number of hours for my internship position as I traveled across the state completing my duties. Now that I am in grad school, he will once again watch me walk the fine line of completing my studies and being a single dad. This time around, courses are more rigorous and the internship will be more demanding as it prepares me for my future career as a Policy Social Worker. It will be my responsibility to find the delicate balance between the two.
We have been in Manhattan for about three weeks now, spending our days together at the park, playing PlayStation together, or in today's even, attending the Lego Brick Expo Live in New Jersey. Because my only obligation at this point in time is to be the best dad possible for him, that is my primary concern. But in 23 more days, I begin my two-day orientation followed by the first full day of classes and internship on August 1st. Lately, our days have been spent full of having fun and walking our neighborhood to explore our surroundings. He's been making friends and I've been preparing for what's to come.
During undergrad, when I was living in the Chicagoland suburb of Oswego, IL, I had the support of family. My mother and brother resided just a short 3-minute drive from our home. My sister and best friend of 17 years would help watch him on evenings or weekends when I needed to get work done. Because of this, completing my BSW degree was eased with their support. Now that we are in New York, approximately 750 miles away from family and friends, we are on our own, all alone in a new area. I will not have that support to lean on when times get hard or when I need to get a few hours to myself. It will be just DJ and I for the next 10 consecutive months until graduation. But not all hope is lost.
I have been speaking with other incoming students for my program, some of which are also parents. For those of use who will be living in relative close proximity, we are looking into the idea of sharing responsibilities of watching one another's child(ren). Having a support group of student parents can go a long way mentally and financially as the cost to obtain child care in the Manhattan area is enormous. This support group of sorts will also give parents and children a way to be surrounded with familiar so that we do not feel so alone in our new environments. But, as with any arrangement, this can only go so far.
To date, I have my full class schedule and know that I will not return home until 6pm two days out of the week. We are still in the process of locating a suitable internship location for me for my Social Work track; until that is complete, I do not know how long I will be gone. Several factors will go into my internship, including traveling time and the number of days I will have to work in order to fulfill my required minimum hours prior to graduation. This matter is one that I hope will be situated soon within the coming weeks so that I can properly plan my tenure here at Columbia University.
DJ also has a few special needs that need to be tended to so I must work this into my schedule as well. Knowing that he must see providers weekly or bi-weekly once located means that I will have an additional item to balance. But this must be done in order to ensure he is properly cared for and receives that provider attention that he requires.
There are a lot of factors that need to be considered and finalized prior to my start in the coming weeks, but I am not too worried about them. I have him and he has me. As we prepared to make this cross country transition, I reinforced this idea that we are all one another has while I pursue my MSW degree, so we must be able to depend on one another when the going gets tough. He knows that I support him in all he does, while I know that he understands he will need to be there for me as well. We are both making sacrifices for us to be here, something that will pay off in the long run. We just need to ensure we set aside time for us to bond with one another, regardless of how hectic my schedule may get. I was able to find that appropriate balance once during undergrad, albeit with support from family and friends, but with the network of student parents we are anticipating here in New York, I am confident that we will be able to complete this journey together while we are away from loved ones.
Becoming a full-time father was one of the greatest gifts I have ever received after several years of fighting. DJ is my number one priority above everything else. With the help from one another, I believe we can find that crucial balance that allows me to be a great father to him while I also successfully complete my MSW program. We have faith, but above all else, we have each other.
During the first year of being a full-time father, DJ saw me complete undergrad classes and my internship. He was the effort I had to put in in order to complete my studies and reach the required number of hours for my internship position as I traveled across the state completing my duties. Now that I am in grad school, he will once again watch me walk the fine line of completing my studies and being a single dad. This time around, courses are more rigorous and the internship will be more demanding as it prepares me for my future career as a Policy Social Worker. It will be my responsibility to find the delicate balance between the two.
We have been in Manhattan for about three weeks now, spending our days together at the park, playing PlayStation together, or in today's even, attending the Lego Brick Expo Live in New Jersey. Because my only obligation at this point in time is to be the best dad possible for him, that is my primary concern. But in 23 more days, I begin my two-day orientation followed by the first full day of classes and internship on August 1st. Lately, our days have been spent full of having fun and walking our neighborhood to explore our surroundings. He's been making friends and I've been preparing for what's to come.
During undergrad, when I was living in the Chicagoland suburb of Oswego, IL, I had the support of family. My mother and brother resided just a short 3-minute drive from our home. My sister and best friend of 17 years would help watch him on evenings or weekends when I needed to get work done. Because of this, completing my BSW degree was eased with their support. Now that we are in New York, approximately 750 miles away from family and friends, we are on our own, all alone in a new area. I will not have that support to lean on when times get hard or when I need to get a few hours to myself. It will be just DJ and I for the next 10 consecutive months until graduation. But not all hope is lost.
I have been speaking with other incoming students for my program, some of which are also parents. For those of use who will be living in relative close proximity, we are looking into the idea of sharing responsibilities of watching one another's child(ren). Having a support group of student parents can go a long way mentally and financially as the cost to obtain child care in the Manhattan area is enormous. This support group of sorts will also give parents and children a way to be surrounded with familiar so that we do not feel so alone in our new environments. But, as with any arrangement, this can only go so far.
To date, I have my full class schedule and know that I will not return home until 6pm two days out of the week. We are still in the process of locating a suitable internship location for me for my Social Work track; until that is complete, I do not know how long I will be gone. Several factors will go into my internship, including traveling time and the number of days I will have to work in order to fulfill my required minimum hours prior to graduation. This matter is one that I hope will be situated soon within the coming weeks so that I can properly plan my tenure here at Columbia University.
DJ also has a few special needs that need to be tended to so I must work this into my schedule as well. Knowing that he must see providers weekly or bi-weekly once located means that I will have an additional item to balance. But this must be done in order to ensure he is properly cared for and receives that provider attention that he requires.
There are a lot of factors that need to be considered and finalized prior to my start in the coming weeks, but I am not too worried about them. I have him and he has me. As we prepared to make this cross country transition, I reinforced this idea that we are all one another has while I pursue my MSW degree, so we must be able to depend on one another when the going gets tough. He knows that I support him in all he does, while I know that he understands he will need to be there for me as well. We are both making sacrifices for us to be here, something that will pay off in the long run. We just need to ensure we set aside time for us to bond with one another, regardless of how hectic my schedule may get. I was able to find that appropriate balance once during undergrad, albeit with support from family and friends, but with the network of student parents we are anticipating here in New York, I am confident that we will be able to complete this journey together while we are away from loved ones.
Becoming a full-time father was one of the greatest gifts I have ever received after several years of fighting. DJ is my number one priority above everything else. With the help from one another, I believe we can find that crucial balance that allows me to be a great father to him while I also successfully complete my MSW program. We have faith, but above all else, we have each other.
Comments
Post a Comment